Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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