I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize