I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
