Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
