I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
