Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just googled if crying burns calories
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
