So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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