The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
