Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
