He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
