somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
