I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
