i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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