i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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