we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
