your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
