he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
