He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
