so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
