i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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