Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Welp...herpes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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