stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everclear isn't food dammit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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