is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
