At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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