her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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