i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
