So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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