I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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