"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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