I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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