why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
