oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
