Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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