Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
