I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
