just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
