Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
