we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
