All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
