I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize