hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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