i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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