The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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