We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
