I'm pants shitting drunk right now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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