I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
