'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish my penis had a tongue
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
