So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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