Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
