Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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