I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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