My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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