Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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