3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
