how can u be prego again
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i think my cat just said my name.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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