i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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