I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This house was built for laser tag.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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