if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
