I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
