You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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