I wanna passion pit in your ass
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
