I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
