quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
