i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
