I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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