Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
