I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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