I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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