I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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