Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
