We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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