I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
now i know why i became what i already was.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You left your phone here
Wait...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
